Confessions of the Week.

If you kidnapped me and threatened to chop my fingers off with a blender if I didn't tell the truth, I'd say you were using one of my favorite scenes from The Goonies to torture me. And then, I'd tell you everything, just like Chunk did. I've never stolen my uncles hair piece and glued it on my face to play Moses in a school play. And I've never pushed either of my siblings down the stairs... on purpose. But if you had my fingers in a blender and needed me to confess in the heat of the moment, I'd give you a good list:

1. In second grade I peed my pants and told my teacher that my water  bottle had spilled. And she believed me.

2. My mom almost called the police on me when I was four because she thought I was missing... I was in the garage, hiding out, eating powdered donuts I found in our freezer.

3. The first few times Brett called me while we were "just friends" I actually could never tell what he was saying on the phone because he mumbled so bad. I would hang up after an hour maybe and think to myself, "That was a good conversation. Too bad I don't know what it was about." Alas, we are married so it really must have been a good conversation.

4. Some days I feel like I could eat a pancake, and then another pancake, and then another pancake, and then another pancake...

5. My dream job in fifth grade was to be Britney Spears' publicist. Good thing that didn't work out.