My WEEKLY confession is that I'm impatient in ridiculous things.
Grocery shopping finally happened in the Stine household this weekend. It's the Stine way to leave nothing but goldfish and two-months-past-the-expiration-date-whoops-I-think-I-ate-some-last-week-greek-yogurt in the pantry and fridge to remind us it's time to go shopping again. We started in the produce section at Kroger and immediately I found myself getting impatient with my sweet man. Brett has this meticulous "ish" where he stops at every squash, zucchini, apple, or cheese particle to examine it fully. He squeezes and prods produce for a good ten seconds before he determines if it is Stine worthy. I just look at it and think, "That color looks pretty. I'd eat that. I hope there's a new Vogue at the checkout."
I was just about to move our basket forward in passive annoyance when I realized that in that small moment, all I needed to do was stop my sassy attitude (My "Sassitude"...haha.) and say "thank you". Thank you for a husband who takes meticulous time in any decision to ensure that the choice he is making is the best, healthiest, and richest for the both of us. Thank you that he cares about taste, flavors, and richness. Thank you that he's choosing with my best interest in mind.
GROCERY SHOPPING IS THE BEST!!! THIS FOOD LOOKS SO GOOD ON OUR OLD NEWLY STAINED TABLE. CHICKEN CAJUN PASTA!!!
I noticed my impatience also taking root in a socially unacceptable area of my life. After all my hipster friends set Brett and I up for trendy coffee making with our french press, this week I botched all their hopes and dreams and started using my old Mr. Coffee maker again. It's one of those things I've decided I don't care how it's made, I really just want it in muh belly. And Mr. Coffee does that for me. Quickly. Profusely fast. With just the click of an "on" button.
Wonderful Mr. Coffee. Lazy Stacie. YES.
Will I sacrifice friendships because of this? Most likely... not. All hope isn't lost though, Brett still grinds with the French press, and I'm sure some day soon we'll have a planter in our window where Brett will try to grow his own, organic, lightly roasted coffee beans.
My confession of this SEASON is this: I PRAYED, God answered, and I said thanks in awe.
It started over the summer. In the midst of wedding planning and job searching Brett proposed taking prayer walks throughout the university we live by... It felt weird praying for a campus I didn't really have a heart for or was familiar with. We walked by dorms and prayed for the students in them. Brett would pray that God would use us to serve the students on campus. I prayed, "Would You give me heart of love for this campus? Would you show me a purpose I can have here? Even if it's one that I didn't expect?"
Meanwhile, we prayed that I could get a job. Brett gave me permission to take time to apply to jobs I really wanted, something I love and admire about him. So I applied... and nothing happened. And I cried a lot because I thought I'd leave college and change the world--- I'm an idealist, I sometimes just can't help my positive ridiculously high achieving stupendously unrealistic thoughts. Sometimes I'd cry out of selfishness, but sometimes begging God to help me understand and trust His purpose for me. So we prayed more. A Hall director position opened up at the nearby university, so I applied and started interviews. I prayed, "Lord, would you provide a place for me to use the gifts You've given me? A place to learn. To develop my gifts. Would you give me boldness like Mary had when she stepped into her calling... because YOU are good and trustworthy."
We continued our prayer walks. One night, as we waited to hear back from my interviews, Brett asked me if I would pray for the person who would get the position I'd applied for. We sat directly outside the building we live in now on a chilly bench that had sticky beer on the seat, and I choked out a prayer knowing that I might not be praying for myself but for someone else. I prayed that whoever was chosen would love well and meet the students where they were at. Later I wrote in my journal, God could say no to me getting this job, out of His fierce love that knows what is good for me. I also realize that if I get this job, my soul purpose in having it would to be glorify God. He will not forsake me today. When I was far, He went farther still. He has pressed into me even more--- He has loved and pursued my broken self."
I got the job. And our prayers were praises. Our prayers now revolve around specific names, situations, and wandering souls. It feels like we have a lot more big prayers in front of us, but I'm grateful for those prayer walks behind us. I'm grateful to walk forward in the amazement of God answering prayers, within His means, His timing, and His perfectness.